A New Year's Revelation

This year, I didn’t make a New Year’s Resolution.  Instead, I’m focused on a New Year’s Revelation.

More than making a list of goals or changes to focus on - I have a question I want answered.  I’m in search of an Ah-ha.  Here’s what I’ve been ruminating on:

Can an extrovert find fulfillment within oneself?

This past year was a time to turn inward.  A time to discover what I’d been searching for had always been right underneath me.  A time to realize that my boys weren’t in the way, they were the way.  I took a break from busyness.  My family was my purpose and I tried my damnedest to embrace every tiny ounce of introvert inside me. 

But that state of enlightenment changed when I got back to Japan.  All of a sudden, when I returned to a more normal life, I felt that damn yearning again.  The boys were back at school, Steve was hard at work and I could look in the mirror once again.  And there it was: the desire for more, outside of us four. 

An an extrovert, I gain my energy from being around others.  When I spend too much time alone my energy is zapped.  No energy in = no energy out.

An entire day in the house sucks.  I scroll endlessly trying to supplement real life interactions with a like or a comment.  I beg my children to venture out somewhere new with me.  I bug my husband for a whole lotta conversation.

Then the next day comes and I decide, I must have more humans in my life.  So, I smile at everyone I pass on my walk from underneath my mask.  I make eye contact at the grocery store, hoping to start a conversation.  Or maybe see a friend, but since we need to be so careful about our time spent face to face, I place so much weight on my limited interactions with them, it’s unfair.  Sometimes it hits.  I come home buzzing.  Other times, I inevitably leave feeling disappointed, cause my expectations are unattainably high.  

Zoom, Zoom, I know Zoom.  Zoom fatigue is real with extroverts too.  I miss the intimacy of in-person conversations.  A mindfulness and complete attentive presence that happens during those precious face-to-face moments. 

So, as Japan enters a State of Emergency once again this week and we hunker back down, I wonder, is it possible for this extrovert to find contentment within my own walls?

So, I’m crowdsourcing people.  Calling all extroverts.  What do you know that I don’t?  What are you doing that I’m not?  Share your wisdom with me, wise ones.  

Much love,

Me