A Change of Plans

Rochester, MN August 7, 2020

On August 1st, we were supposed to fly home to Japan.  On July 26th, we canceled our flights.  Here’s what happened:

For months, Steve’s father has been waiting for a trial at Mayo to begin.  This trial was supposed to double his life expectancy and when your time left on earth is so limited, you hang onto this kinda hope with all your might.  It provides a touchstone, a North Star and a reason to fight.

The third week of July, Mayo didn’t call to cancel his appointment like they had done the month before and the month before that, so Steve drove his Mom and Dad 6+ hours to Rochester, MN, to meet with the best doctors in the world, with hope in their hearts.  

But they arrived at Mayo a day too late.  

Somehow the dates got mixed up and the appointment we had been been waiting months for was missed.  After their knees almost gave out, Mayo thankfully agreed to see them anyways.  They had two days of tests and tests and talks and talks and finally they began their pilgrimage home with the understanding that Steve’s Dad needed to be up at Mayo once a week for the foreseeable future and we needed to figure out the logistics of how to make that happen.

In that moment, Steve and I decided we couldn’t head back to Japan just yet.  His family needed us and just like Steve’s Dad was always there for him, Steve needed to be there for his Dad too.  COVID was strangely giving us an opportunity we would never normally have.  We knew the boys would have many first days of school, but Steve will only lose his Dad once. 

So we spoke with Steve’s parents and decided that instead of trekking back and forth between Missouri and Minnesota every week, we would all rent an AirBnb together in Rochester, MN.  In a blink, we packed up to head North.  Steve left with his parents first and the boys and I followed behind 5 days later.

But once we arrived, things changed.  During his first scheduled treatment we learned the trial was actually not greenlit, Steve’s Dad was not approved for it yet and that he didn’t need to be up in Rochester every week.  In fact, it was once every three weeks to receive the same treatment he could receive in Kansas City.  So we spent a few final nights enjoying the cool Minnesota air, having really great talks on the porch and watching incredible sunsets.  Then we headed “home.”  

Now we are snuggled up on the couch, at yet another AirBnb, discussing the same topic we have been discussing for months.  What are we going to do about returning to Japan?  Last week the boy’s school told us we need to decide by August 21st whether or not we will be back by September 30th so the boys can start school by October 14th at the absolute latest.  

ASIJ is beginning in hybrid mode, so Chase will get to go to school every day since they kept class sizes small and Anders will go every other day.  And now I know Anders is on the “Gold” schedule, what after-school activities are available for Chase, what bus Anders will ride and how if we were there, I would get to ride it with him on the first day.  So I have major COVID-era back-to-school FOMO.

But we aren’t there.  And that is the right decision for us today.  But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be in two places at the same time.  

I love Steve even more for wanting to stay in the US.  That he can’t bear the idea of leaving his father for a final time.  A forever goodbye.  And I want his soul to be at peace.  Plus, I am really enjoying this time with his family.  I am at peace here too.  

We could enroll Anders at school in Kansas City for a semester.  Choose a fully virtual 1st grade program.  Chase would simply be home with us.  And it would be hard.  And I would second guess my choice every day.  But we would kill it cause we can do hard things. In fact, this summer I learned we can ROCK hard things.

But we want to go back.  But we want to stay.  But our life is there.  But our life is here.

So in the next week, we have some major decisions to make.  It felt easier when we could take it day by day.  But now we are expected to have a Magic 8-Ball to guide us. 

So, Steve…what are we going to do?  Cause even though we shake each other every day, all we come back with is: “reply is hazy,” “ask again later” and “can’t predict now.”  (Insert exhausted, unknowing, hopeful sigh here.)