The Best
We’ve been on a mad hunt for a house with two offers that have fallen through and Steve & I agreed that meant it was time for a regroup. We had a pretty tight brief heading into our house hunt and in our search for “The Best” have blown up the brief several times trying to just get home.
The first house we bid on sacrificed a sense of calm. It was sandwiched between two highways with no yard and the main bedroom in the basement. But it kept the boys in their current school, gave us community and had really cool ceilings. I went for it cause I thought it was the right thing to do. So did four other families. I admit I was relived when we didn’t get it.
We then found the opposite. A sprawling mid-century fixer upper on a lake surrounded by natural beauty. It put the boys in a school that was more of gamble (even though I was touring it one hour before the offer deadline to make sure it lived up to my standards), provided less community since it was on 2 acres and further away from all the things. I was sad when we didn’t get it, but also kinda relived too, because it didn’t check every single box.
So here we are. Going back to the brief. It’s pretty simple. We want:
1. Good school
2. Unique house
3. Nature
4. Community
In that order? I’m not sure. Cause each bullet isn’t so black and white.
A good school. What makes a school good? I can tell you the ratings for every single school in the Twin Cities because every single time I look on Zillow and get excited about a house, I scroll down and see the elementary school is ranked a 3/10 and think dammit. When I am coming from a place of privilege (and I am very aware of how privileged we are), why would I plop my kid down in a 3/10 school when I can choose a 9/10? I know each one of you tells me to ignore them, and your kid is happy in that 3/10 and the ratings don’t measure the right things, but man, I see it.
I can tell you I want strong academics, but at what cost? (Will my kids experience academic anxiety and always feel less than?) I can tell you I want diversity, but at what cost? (There are so many ways to define diversity.) I can tell you I want access to special ed support, but at what cost? (Are 25% of kids on IEPs a good thing?) I can tell you I want a big school with access to all the stuff, but at what cost? (Will my boys never make a team/play/tryout, with almost 4000 kids in their high school?)
I know I don’t need the 9/10 to define “The Best”, I need to define “The Best” for us, but it’s hard to know which path will best deliver “The Best.”
I just want my boys to be happy, brave, curious and kind. And ever since we stepped back on American soil, I can feel the race. The competitiveness. The pressure. It radiates from the camp signups, kids club scarcity and the swim team tryout that I had to BEG for, even though I have been touch with them since October. I had to beg for my kid to try out. Not be on the team, just for a chance to try out. Plus, many of those 9/10 schools give Steve a one hour commute. The best for us, is having Steve home to make dinner.
See, Tokyo was so calm. So quiet. The pace was different. A sense of ease. I felt at peace. I think the only time my shoulders have dropped in the past six weeks was standing on the deck overlooking the lake of the second home we tried to buy - which is why I wanted to buy it.
I know I can make a house unique. I know I can find space to be amongst the trees. I know I can build community wherever we land. But as a mother of two boys, I just want to do right by them and damn it’s hard to figure that out sometimes.
So many paths, I wish I knew which one was “The Best."