Calm in the Unknowing

Next month, we were supposed to be leaving Japan.  End of the school year.  Time to go.  

Just as we were planning on leaving two years ago, then six months ago, then next month and yet, here we are.

And you know how I feel about it?   So good.

The truth is, I don’t want to leave.  Japan isn’t my forever home.  I know that.  But it’s my home right now.  A home filled with great friends, a school my boys are thriving in and a city I love.  Our cozy apartment is is smack dab in the center of a community that has my back.  Buildings encircling me, filled with people that I can lean on at any time that know they can also lean on me.

When will we be leaving?  We don’t know.  I tell my US friends, it could be any day.  I tell my Japan friends, it will still be awhile.  The truth lies somewhere in between.  We got approval to stay a bit longer.  To let Steve thrive in his job post-COVID and wait for the right role to open up for him.  The analogy is we are in an arcade claw machine just waiting to be snatched up.

As I explain this to my inner-circle, they ask me:  Are you anxious?  Do you hate the unknowing? 

The reality is I have never felt as calm as I do right now.  Why?  It’s two-fold:

First, I’m a planner, an activator, a maximizer.  As soon as I know where we will be heading, I will be knee-deep in finding the best housing, school districts, cars, jobs, friends - you name it.  Although I will be physically in Tokyo, my mind and spirit will already by in our next.  By not knowing our next, it always me to stay fully present and completely grounded.  It provides a sense of calm.  A peacefulness that lets me stay focused on today.

Second, I’m a person who likes to shake shit up.  As a firm believer in the saying, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got,”  after a few years in a city, a job, an apartment, I would always wonder if something better is out there.  Always looking for more,  (Don’t worry about Steve & I, after spending my 20’s single/dating, I know he is as good as it gets.)  But, with my life about to change for me, I don’t have to soul search for what I want next.  All hands off the wheel.  Like a present waiting to be unwrapped - and what a gift it is.

So when will we leave Japan?  We honestly don’t know.  So instead, I stay fully grounded.  Fully grateful.  And embrace today - cause who the heck knows what tomorrow brings. And when it does come, I know that we’ve got it.