Didn’t Nail It
Summer 2021
A Post-Mortem
You know how after a big work project, your team sits down to do a post-mortem capturing what worked, what didn’t and what you’d do differently next time? Our family did just that on our expat summer 2021. Cause let me tell you, we’re a handful of summers into this expat gig and still trying to get it right. Once again, we didn’t nail it. Dammit.
It continues to blow my mind that every summer, our friends empty out of the city in droves. Tokyo becomes an expat ghost town. The locals stay. Those that can’t journey home because of COVID restrictions stay. But everyone else goes - from the day school gets out, to the day school resumes. Gone. Especially this year, as people hadn’t seen their loved ones in ages.
Several years ago we spent a summer I romanticized, bouncing all over the world - fail! Then we tried a summer with three weeks in two places - better! This summer we thought that we could knock it out of the park by splitting the difference - wrong!
So after 5+ weeks of travel, and several summers abroad, here’s 5 things I know for sure:
Expat summers don’t work for me. We live in Japan. Not in the US. To uproot for months at a time doesn’t make sense for us. We live here! To travel to see family and friends for a few weeks is great. To travel to see family and friends for a few months just doesn’t. If all our loved ones lived in one part of the world, maybe. If we still had our house in Minnesota, maybe. Instead, while I always thought it would be thrilling to be a gypsy, it’s hard not having roots. Even folks living the #vanlife, always have their van to call home.
Our own space is essential. Although our people were so wonderful to welcome us into their home, Benjamin Franklin was right: guests, like fish, start to smell after 3 days.
It’s not natural to move back into your parent’s house. My parents have their own lives, their own routines and their own sacred space. While it may seem idyllic for them to have their grandchildren home, fantasies don’t always match realities. What they see in their social media feed only represents the few magical moments, not the whole story. It can be jarring for their world to all of a sudden be filled with sticky hands, rough-housing and chaos.
I need Steve. This summer I dragged Steve from place to place, while he worked Tokyo hours and got vaccinated. It was so hard on him, except for that one-week vacation where we all exhaled. In the same breath, more than a couple weeks away from Steve has our family wobbling like a chair with 3 legs. I might feel differently as the boys are older and the world’s less scary, but for now, I need my rock by my side.
Friends make everything better. Not only do Steve and I love being around our friends oh so much, the kids do too. Our boys are now old enough that I need to make sure they have opportunities to connect with kids their own age. Whether that be old friends, new friends, or cousins - they need a crew.
What does this mean for next summer? I don’t know, yet. I will cross that bridge when I get to it cause heck, of the many lessons I have learned in the past year, it’s that the landscape of the world can change in a blink. But when I approach the damn bridge, at least I will have this time capsule as a beacon of light.
(P.S. for future me. Our 2021 summer played out like this: 1+ week in Hawaii, staying at a beloved college friend’s house / 1 week in Minneapolis, staying at a generous friend’s house that was out of town/ 1 week in Massachusetts, staying with Steve’s Aunt/Uncle and spending time with his family/ 2+ weeks in Chapel Hill, staying with my Mom & Dad and my sister’s family joining us for the back-half.)