Two More Years
See this face? This is the face I made two years ago, when Steve asked me if I wanted to move to Tokyo. (It’s quite similar to the face Anders makes when winning big at the Mall of America arcade.) I didn’t skip a beat before shouting “YES!” and smiling from ear to ear!
Fast forward to Christmas Eve 2019. We are at Steve’s parent’s house. We had arrived back in Kansas City the night before and are jet-lagged disasters. The phone rings and Steve tells me he is going to step outside to take a call. I look out the window and see Steve pacing the street. It looks serious. He is talking and rubbing his arm and looking down at the road. He then nods and hangs up and makes his way back to us.
As he swings open the screen door, he asks for me to step outside. I follow him to the street and we stand in front of the open trunk of his parent’s minivan which is overflowing with presents, as we prep to head over to his sister’s house that evening.
He says to me, “I was just offered a promotion. My boss’s job. That means two more years in Asia.” I literally duck down and wrap my hands over my head - just like you are taught to do in an earthquake. I bent down to take cover and dodge what was coming at me. It didn’t work. So, I took a breath, stood back up and said, “ok."
Now this “ok” was not the “YES!” I had screamed two years prior. To be honest, I was looking forward to our life back in Minneapolis. I had started scouting properties on Zillow, began worrying about how to get Chase into the lottery at Turtle Lake Elementary for their pre-K program and was thinking about whether my heart was calling me back into the Ad game or if it was time to take the leap client side.
Now don’t get me wrong. I also truly love it here in Tokyo. But here is where the conundrum comes into play. You see, for the past two years, I have lived my life straddling two worlds. And man, it’s hard work having two lovers. You never feel settled. Always juggling. But I thought Minneapolis was my life-partner and Tokyo was a sexy love affair - so I treated it as such.
I was dead set on returning to the same Minnesota lakeshore on the same day and dipping in my same toe determined that it was going to be the same water - even though after two years we all know it ain’t the same damn water. I was trying with all my might to keep everything the same. Cause I wanted to come BACK to my old life. I wanted my friends, my job, my neighborhood to all stay the same. Cause, I really loved my old life. It was pretty freakin’ great.
But here’s the reality: you can never go back. You can only go forward.
And now with additional time in Asia, all of sudden I can go forward. I am allowed to let go of the past. Somehow, you can hold on with all your might for two years - but four is different.
Steve and I both knew the minute we sold all our things and put the few small remaining items behind that yellow door in our Blaine storage unit, we built a door to a future abroad. And on Christmas Eve it was opened for us. And when a door like that opens, you don’t say “no.” You say “ok” and you walk through it. And after a few weeks of processing that “ok” evolves into a “yes” and then a “Yes" and then a “YES!” with more and more enthusiasm.
So, Minneapolis, while I am not coming back this summer for good, I did rent the same blue AirBnb in Uptown to call home for a few months. Cause one thing I know for sure, while I can no longer come back to you, your friendship is too good not to bring forward with us into the future.