Self-Discovery

One of my most favorite parts of the past year has been the space it has created for self-discovery.  

Never in my life, have I had the opportunity to truly be as myself, as I am right now.  But there is a journey in un-earthing who the heck that person really is.  

My definition of me has always chameleoned (yep, not a real word) a bit, based on the situation I was in.  Whether it was:  To be liked in school.  To have a boy fall for me.  To have a client trust me.  

Wearing the right clothes.  Saying the right things.  Always being me, but knowing what levers to push up or down depending on the situation. A classic “people pleaser.”

But these two years are all mine.  No one here has to like me.  There is no one here to impress.  My reputation is all my own.  What happens in Tokyo, pretty much stays in Tokyo.

It’s so incredibly freeing to have a safe space to figure out what makes me the most happy - not what makes others the most comfortable.

And with that opportunity, I dyed my hair pink.

I have let whatever things just happen to fall out of my mouth, fall out, and they are usually pretty kind and sometimes a bit funny.  

I have made wonderful friends and let others slip through my fingers.  

I have been humbled through travel and now understand how I was only scared of what I didn’t know.

I have become brave enough to know what we can handle as a family and what we can’t.  

I have been deeply involved in activities but also known the power of the word “no.”  

I have realized I am naturally pretty sunshiney (I made this word up too) and good about being present and grateful.  

I have come to understand that pets make my house a home.  (Hello, 5 new fish, but Lobster I miss you so.)      

I have figured out I may not be the best mom on the planet but am also far from the worst.

I have cemented in my heart that Steve is 10000000000000% my person.

And I have learned that the definition I have of myself is fluid.  There are days where I feel like a bad ass, days where I feel like a hippie and days where I feel like a mom. Who I am, will never stop evolving.

But most importantly, I have learned that no matter what, wherever I go, there I am.  As many times as I have started over, things always turn out kinda the same.  Cause one thing was always constant.  Me. 

And the thing is, I kinda like that.  Pink hair and all.